Into the night

The LCU (Landing Craft Utility) rocks up and down with the swells causing a number of people to move closer to the rails or closer to the center of the boat in hopes of minimizing their discomfort. Vocal jabs can be heard of weak constitutions prompting a weak chorus of vulgar responses. Its the middle of the night with the lights of the civilization dotting the coast line some 22 miles in the distance. The lights are not the destination however, it's the dark unknown in between the lights. In a little bit a company of marines will be launching their little Zodiac rubber raiding crafts off the front of the boat and head into the night and the swells that threaten to scrub the mission. The danger lies in a swell raising the launching platform before a rubber craft can clear the area and getting smashed underneath. Looking over the side the little lights seem to blink in and out of existence with the swells. Excitement charges the air, the marines are eager for the waiting to end one way or another.

When I look at my little journey for my first marathon this is what I'm reminded of. That span of time from when we were waiting for the word to launch our boats into the night and the struggle of trying to start the last of the outboard motors. The rise and fall of the ocean, the destination of dark unknown in between the little lights. If you have ever swam in the ocean you'll know what I mean. Riding a wave to shore with the crest is behind you it pushes. As the crest moves beyond and you go down the backside it pulls (at least that's the way it feels to me) you back. A large enough wave and you can loose sight of the shore. I'm at the bottom of a swell right now. I know the general direction of my destination, it's just not in sight. Perhaps it is because the destination is an unknown that I chose to tread water as I went down the back of a wave. Or it could have come from my struggle of the time I'm missing with family. I'm not really sure. One thing I do know is I would rather have a DNF (did not finish) next to my name than a DNS (did not start/show) and I do feel the wave building behind me (thanks to my wife and kids for that).

We did launch that night by the way. It was hairy but an experience I treasure. The journey to the shore was at times peaceful and filled with excitement. As we got closer to shore we barely had to paddle, as I remember, with the waves pushing us to shore. I'm hoping for a simular experience.

Pay the price, but for which choice?

I have a big choice to make. I love to run and to run races, though I only get excited about them on race day. It's an outlook I've had about special events for quite some time. I think it stems from working so many holidays, birthdays, and going on deployments. After awhile the specialness just kind of faded away and now I only get excited when other people around me do. I have to feed off their enthusiasm to really get into the moment. I'm sure because of this my wife and kids think I am an emotional vaccuum at times, well, most of the time. But I digress, training for my marathon has taken more and more time away from my family than I really had thought it would. When I go on my longer training runs it really wipes me out. Runs were scheduled for morning times (barefeet and hot afternoon pavement didn't mix well) after work which cuts my sleep time almost in half. A few runs I had done wiped me out so much I slept into the evening to when my kids were going or had gone to bed. Once I slept half of my Saturday away. So back to my choice, drop training and the marathon so I'm not missing out on family time or continue with the race plans.

It is not a question of being able to do it. I know I can. The question is, which is worth more and at what cost?