Into the night

The LCU (Landing Craft Utility) rocks up and down with the swells causing a number of people to move closer to the rails or closer to the center of the boat in hopes of minimizing their discomfort. Vocal jabs can be heard of weak constitutions prompting a weak chorus of vulgar responses. Its the middle of the night with the lights of the civilization dotting the coast line some 22 miles in the distance. The lights are not the destination however, it's the dark unknown in between the lights. In a little bit a company of marines will be launching their little Zodiac rubber raiding crafts off the front of the boat and head into the night and the swells that threaten to scrub the mission. The danger lies in a swell raising the launching platform before a rubber craft can clear the area and getting smashed underneath. Looking over the side the little lights seem to blink in and out of existence with the swells. Excitement charges the air, the marines are eager for the waiting to end one way or another.

When I look at my little journey for my first marathon this is what I'm reminded of. That span of time from when we were waiting for the word to launch our boats into the night and the struggle of trying to start the last of the outboard motors. The rise and fall of the ocean, the destination of dark unknown in between the little lights. If you have ever swam in the ocean you'll know what I mean. Riding a wave to shore with the crest is behind you it pushes. As the crest moves beyond and you go down the backside it pulls (at least that's the way it feels to me) you back. A large enough wave and you can loose sight of the shore. I'm at the bottom of a swell right now. I know the general direction of my destination, it's just not in sight. Perhaps it is because the destination is an unknown that I chose to tread water as I went down the back of a wave. Or it could have come from my struggle of the time I'm missing with family. I'm not really sure. One thing I do know is I would rather have a DNF (did not finish) next to my name than a DNS (did not start/show) and I do feel the wave building behind me (thanks to my wife and kids for that).

We did launch that night by the way. It was hairy but an experience I treasure. The journey to the shore was at times peaceful and filled with excitement. As we got closer to shore we barely had to paddle, as I remember, with the waves pushing us to shore. I'm hoping for a simular experience.

Pay the price, but for which choice?

I have a big choice to make. I love to run and to run races, though I only get excited about them on race day. It's an outlook I've had about special events for quite some time. I think it stems from working so many holidays, birthdays, and going on deployments. After awhile the specialness just kind of faded away and now I only get excited when other people around me do. I have to feed off their enthusiasm to really get into the moment. I'm sure because of this my wife and kids think I am an emotional vaccuum at times, well, most of the time. But I digress, training for my marathon has taken more and more time away from my family than I really had thought it would. When I go on my longer training runs it really wipes me out. Runs were scheduled for morning times (barefeet and hot afternoon pavement didn't mix well) after work which cuts my sleep time almost in half. A few runs I had done wiped me out so much I slept into the evening to when my kids were going or had gone to bed. Once I slept half of my Saturday away. So back to my choice, drop training and the marathon so I'm not missing out on family time or continue with the race plans.

It is not a question of being able to do it. I know I can. The question is, which is worth more and at what cost?

Kid Logic: But I need it for school

So my second oldest son (W) comes home from his intro to middle school summer class today and informs his mother he needs a cell phone. When asked why this was so he responded that sometimes the teacher doesn't want student blurting out the answers so they can text the answer to the teacher. A current student was able to back up this explanation later on that night. She also stated that there were other ways such as using e-mail. Mom's retort was of course, "Are they going to pay for it?"
My view was a little more analytical. W is like most children his age. Responsibility is an on going lesson, reminders to clean the room and do chores are still pretty regular with him. A number of times I've made a trip to the school to bring forgotten items such as lunches, iPads, instruments and such. I also have to repeatedly track down not just the remotes but the battery covers as well under blankets, pillows, and the couch. So naturally my first thought was " You can't keep track of my remotes and your own stuff and you want me to get you a cell phone?" Crazy boy.

Kid Logic: Being wet is a matter of perception

We had to go to Worlds of Fun today. No really, it was not just a moral imperative being the first full day of summer but also the day of dance competition at WOF. This time our son's participation was just two songs, his solo and a team tap dance. As an added bonus for us his dance times were slotted for the mid morning. Awards were scheduled for 4-5ish later in the day. This left us with plenty of time to enjoy park rides while waiting for the ceremony to begin. The weather dude predicted a rainy Saturday for us which I think turned out ok. Crowds were not as large as they could have been for a summer Saturday at an amusement park nor was the weather very hot. We spent our down time wondering from ride to ride in the on again off again drizzle enjoying our first day of summer. As we meandered our way half way through the park some of the kids in our happy little group decided that a ride on the Fury of the Nile was in order. For those unfamiliar with the ride it is a circular boat free floating down a man made river with man made rapids designed to get the riders wet. It is a matter of chance on how much a rider can get wet which seems to be the point of the ride. I escaped with a few drops trickled on me from an over head water fall for which I was pretty thankful for. A little girl in our group was drenched by a wave about as big as she was. It was sometime during the wait and the ride a bit of kid logic occurred to me.
Waiting in the rain for 30-45 minutes for a water ride only to be scared of getting wet from the ride. It's the simple things that keep us young. My boy earned two silvers by the way. What a great day.

Kid Logic States: If it's hot, wrap up in thick layers. If it's cold, wrap up in thin layers.

My kids are pretty active indoors and out, they dance, play ball games, ride bikes, and once in a great while run with me. So when it comes to dealing with different types of weather they have some experience. All the kids have gotten in the habit of asking about the forecast for the day so they can plan a little on what they may need to bring or wear during school days. This new habit was tested not to long ago when we planned for a trip across the state.

 As parents we encourage our kids to try and think for them selves and had decided nudge them a little further into a self supportive role by allowing them to pack their own backs for our trip. We explained to them that the weather was going to get cold and probably wet during the trip. I wasn't really worried about them being under prepared as my youngest boy typically listens well prepares for weather appropriately. My second oldest son seems at times was born in an incubator and requires a steady temp of 78.4567 degrees and will either be freezing or burning up as the case may be if the temp fluctuates a degree up or down. Naturally he is more than willing to bundle up in a parka, nit cap, and gloves in 40 degree weather. So imagine our surprise when as we pull into our first destination at the other end of the state, that the weather has as predicted turned sour and all of us but two boys put on some sort of extra clothing. Well after letting a lesson sink in a bit during our sight seeing we managed to find some sweatshirts (no coats or jackets for some reason) for our two goofballs and they were able to finish the trip a little less chilled.

Yesterday my youngest son spent a good deal of time outdoors playing and working up a good sweat. He of course came in and took his shower before bedtime and went to bed fresh and clean. Now his room tends to get warmish as the day wears on and will remain hot or warm into the night. As it turns out his bedroom was a little warm for his taste and he relocated to a cooler part of the house. When I found him as I made my rounds later on in the evening he was wrapped up tight in a winter blanket with flannel bottoms and sweating like he just stepped out of a sauna. I couldn't help but laugh as I stripped his blanket from him and sent him to his own bed reminding him fans work best when plugged in and to ditch the blanket if you're hot.

What's in a goal?

I am now 5 days into my somewhat serious training phase for my first marathon. I say its somewhat serious only because I have yet been able to commit to a healthier eating habit. I have sat down with a friend and he has helped me outline a training program to accomplish my goal. The training program officially starts in June which is suppose to give me 18 weeks of training. I keep telling myself that all I want as a result is just to finish which is how my training program is set up. The problem is the Marine in me keeps whispering "that's not enough".

 Its interesting to note here the difference in perspective of what I am used to compared to my current program. In the Marines we over trained, I guess is how you would put it. That is to say when the company commander and/or battalion commander wanted to do a run we would go for a longer distance than we knew the company and/or battalion run would be. This way we were certain that we would not only make it but not look bad doing it (not good to show your butt in front of the boss right?). The idea was bleed in training and sweat in battle. 

 I hope I'm not sounding to ungrateful for the help my friend has giving me cause that is not how I feel or mean to sound. Any and all advise is welcome since my idea of training as you may remember from previous posts is to walk out the door start running and follow my nose. Run up hills, trot down, run some sprints when you can and that was about it. Seemed fine and that sort of hap hazard type of training gave me a 2 hours and 4 minute finish in huaraches for a half marathon last year. Last year was mostly huaraches running. This year I'm aiming for barefoot. As much as I can. There is no real reason, just to be non-mainstream I guess. I never did like to be like everyone else. Although I must say my injuries have been less since I started running minimilist and barefoot. So my first marathon race will also be my first barefoot marathon. 

Running free

Took a four day break during a family trip across the state and into IL. During the trip I actually had little motivation to run. I was having agreat time with the fam. The day after our return however was a different story. So before a late dinner I set out on a6 plus mile trek on paved and trail paths.  It was very refreshing. There were a few walkers, a mountain biker, and a fellow runner. All were friendly enough and made an evening run pretty pleasant. The dirt trail was terrific and I was able to maintain my pace throughout it. I must say, running a dirt trail is very relaxing. I recommend it.

So with one or two more days of break coming up, I start running toward my goal. My first marathon, and doing it barefoot.

Waxing philosophic

Stepping up the barefoot training now. So far I have averaged about 15 miles a week and looking to step it up to 30-35 miles a week by October. I have a goal. Thankfully I have a friend willing to help me out giving me reassurance about accomplishing this goal. Pretty sure my haphazard way of training would not have gotten me where I want to be. Up until this point I never really thought about speed work, long runs and easy runs or hill work. My idea was just step out the front door, follow your nose and run how you feel. It worked for other races even up to the half marathons I did in the past. Yet there is a point when stubbornness fades and training must take over and carry you through to the end. I learned this in the Marines and forgot it for a time. Training makes all the difference in handling tough situations both mentally and physically. It's that little confident voice whispering to you "you got this" "you've handled this before, now do it again".

All this taken together and thrown into Todd's perspective is this, when you train for something it transforms your accomplishment from a win to an earn. I pushed myself beyond limits and stood strong, accomplished my goal. This, at least for me, is a sweeter feeling. I've never felt I accomplished something when chance was involved. You can get lucky and win a lottery based on chance, finishing races are earned by placing one foot in front of the other and not stopping. For some like me just finishing is an accomplishment, I didn't give up or give in. I have long left the ideal of having to finish first overall or in my age group. I have come to terms that besting my PR (personal record) of 3 miles in 20 minutes and 5 seconds is not likely to happen. That was 22 years ago in leaner, meaner times for me. This of course has not stopped me from developing other goals. Pushing myself further than I have gone before. It likely won't be a land speed record, but it will be mine. For now, that is fine with me.

You know its good when something breaks.

So I needed a stress relief run today. I was even sent outta the house by the wife because she has had enough of my bad attitude and poor disposition. As always, the stress leaves me optimistic when it comes to goals for a run. I had a brief idea to knock out my barefoot half today. Ya, that didn't happen. It was nice today and I probably should have gone out earlier before the stress reached it's redline. Once again though, poor choices. Anyway, the run it's self was pretty good. Went on a route I hadn't used in ....well a while. Hills, not bad in such a way as to force you to a walk or employ the use of hands, but enough to give you a work out if you haven't done hill work in while...like me. I ended up with a 10:37 average pace. Funny, it felt a lot faster than a 10+ minute pace. Anyway I took off barefoot with huaraches in hand just in case the cooler evening weather threatened to rekindle old frostbite injuries or road conditions proved to be more than I could bare. I arrived at an improvised turn around point after an internal debate and self scolding for neglecting hills for so long and decided to run back in huaraches because of the snow melt run off in a number of spots along the way. My tender feet got cold, lol, and about half way back a lace breaks.

For a brief moment I considered running back with just the one huarache on but decided against it this time. Running barefoot in cold weather while carrying your shoes gets me enough weird looks, running with just the one huarache well....I wasn't ready to tempt fate in somebody wanting to talk with me. Sorry people, on a mission here and not done yet. Catch me when its over. As it happens the last little bit felt the best, running on the road rather than the cement sidewalk as I did on the trek out.

Its funny, when you think about it. With all the issues, minor as they were, even a bad run will help to aid a poor disposition. I do feel better. I am ready to interact with the human race again.

Huaraches run in great weather

Another run in the books. Set out to log 5 plus miles for the day and was rewarded with 7.22 miles in a shade under hour and ten minutes. It was another beautful day that quite enticing with warm weather as well. What made this run interesting was not so much that despite being hindered with a cold I was able to complete journey of refuge from stresses and worry without a single cough. Instead I had seemed to have saved it all for the immediate 10 minutes after the run which began within two steps of entering my home.
Normally I try to sweat out colds once any fever has broken and I start to feel somewhat human again. Today, it would seem, that I had not bundled up enough to produce the desired outcome. No matter, the week is still young and promising. I think I might even be able to accomplish a goal of the half marathon barefoot soon.
Wow, fatigue has just washed over me. Guess it is time to end this for now. Thanks for reading

Running through runoff

Not fully healthy yet but needed to get a run in. Today was an awesome day to do it. First warm (for winter time anyway) day in a while. Sunny, not very windy and warm. So aside from coughing once in while and not feeling fully up to par, it was a good return. I felt I was running at a slow pace but the app says it was a 11:07 pace. Still faster than the regular pace I am working towards. I figure if I can get used to running at a good 12 min pace I should be able to start working on the mileage I want. What I want is to hit the 50 mile mark by the end of the year at the latest. Maybe sooner if I can help it.

I do plan to stick with the idea of no races this year. Gonna suck cause I will be missing one of my favorite buddy run races. The Brew2Brew in Kansas City. A wonderful 44.4 mile run from downtown KC, MO to Lawrence, KS. It can be done as a solo run or as a team. I've only done the team thing and had a blast every time. Big party/recovery event after in a very neat part of town. The people that run this are also a big part of what makes it fun. The serious teams out for new PRs, the not so serious teams (like mine) out for a good run and fun with friends. A number of teams even come in costumes. Another race I will miss this year is the Hospital Hill Half Marathon. Labeled as one of the oldest half marathons in the country and the oldest in KC. It is a fun and popular run and had hoped to achieve another PR for a half but I will settle for a unofficial PR this year. Ran it in huaraches last year shaving 20 min off my previous time, looking to do a half barefoot now.

But I digress, frustrations and stress have built up over the time I had been sick and unable to get out. It was really frustrating as we had fresh snow come down and was really eager to make fresh tracks. There is something relaxing about running through fresh snow in the crisp air. Seems to place all the worries on the back burner where they belong. Few people are ever out when the snow is falling which seems to help with the relaxation part. Its those periods when I am able to just step away from worry and stress and live in the now. A couple runs ago I came across a coyote and we had a little race along the trail. He/she won of course, but it was fun. Those events whether coyote, deer, rabbit, or whatever, really make help to make the run worthwhile. Memorable. Calming. Cathartic.

I think thats all for now. Thanks for reading.

Disengage

Fed up with the drama that is facebook. Left it behind some weeks ago and haven't a single desire to go back. Same old recycled feuds and memes. Some rekindle old grudges and start new ones between what was once friends. Yes tired of watching it all happen day in and day out. Turned to less....dramatic social media.
On a lighter note...snow is coming and the area is a buzz with the notion of it crippling the region. Bri told me MoDOT told Missourians to stay off the roads. I replied that I was not a Missourian. (I'm a transplanted Alaskan)lol. Anyway, it should be interesting. Just need to find some goods books now to pass the time. After I make some fresh tracks in the snow. :-) Have some pent up frustrations to work out. Must not let it build up to much. Thought I do feel I am gaining better control over myself.
Thats all for now. Thanks for reading.

El cheapo? Not so.

Came across another race I thought sounded good. $80 and change to enter, for 10 miles. You get a lot of swag for running...but, just to much for me. So I'm going with my earlier plan to just pick the races I'm interested in, find a route and conditions that are simular and run the equivalent miles on my own as close to the race date as I can. I'm not even sure why doing this matters other then allowing me to retain goals and motivation as-well-as track progress.
Now that the fog is lifting its time to find my center again. Thats hard to do when the race focus seems to settle on medals. So I set out once again on my journey for the spirit and sanity.
I went for a run on Wednesday and it felt great. It was barefoot of course, mostly sunny, 32 degrees. I was dressed in a black long sleeve shirt and tan cargo shorts. One funny thing that did happen during the run. I was passing by a track and two guys were walking there. They were dressed in running gear. As I passed the dude nearest me looked at me and grimaced. Not sure if he smelled or heard something he didn't like, but it was kinda funny thinking back on it.  Not many people wave to runners, even on a military post. Of course the post I run on is a really weird animal. Probably why I dont run there that often.
Anyway sleep is rolling in and I will take my leave for now. Thanks for reading.

Bummed.

I've been scouting out races I've heard about and am interested in doing....Cept when you move beyond the half marathons then tend to get get pricey. There is also the little logistical issue of room and board for the ones out of state or far away. Just sucks. I was looking at the OK City Memorial Marathon but dang...$110 just to get in on the action right now and that until April something.
Think I will just run and on the days that there is a race I wanted to do then I will just knock the miles out on my own. I won't run and bandit it, as a friend of mine would call it. But just go out with a set course planed for that mileage that day and knock it out on my own.  Kinda fading out the race thing anyway. Medals are cool and I like the idea of decorating a tree with'em but never been that much of a medal hunter...even in the Marine Corps.