New Year, New You?

I have never got into the resolution thing mostly because I would make resolutions that were not very realistic. I had tried when I was younger to no avail and had started leaving the personal pledges to other optimistic people. That is until last year, I had cut soda out of my life at a whim on the 31st of December. Since then I have been able to remain soda free for the year now and have little desire to go back. I tend to have greater success when my decisions are unannounced and on a whim.
Like getting back into running. I have worked harder and more successful up until the point when I started making race plans and goals. I have since slacked off and I am struggling to kick start myself back into the grove. I have a run tomorrow with some friends and my son and I am hoping this is what I need to get the bug back. What I've learned at least with me is no announced plans and no particular goals in mind produce more and better results for me than and structured work out plan. Its kind of silly, I know, but having lived most of my life by going on a whim and not dying yet I would have to say my track record is working so far.
My question to you, my dear reader, is what are your plans if any?

Cold sweats?

Wow. I have not slept worth a hoot in over a month. Most nights I don't sleep more than an hour at a time. Last night I was freezing for most of the night yet I wake up sweaty. I have heard of cold sweats before but never had them, I don't think. Not sure at all what my problem is or where it came from. Just kinda tired of this. Started sleeping on the couch so I don't keep my wife up all night.
This really sucks.

self therapy

Why did I wait so long to run? I ask myself this as I find renewed interest in school, and life in general following my run tonight. In a fit of rage I took off out the door tonight to let loose some steam in the only real way I can without spending money getting drunk or getting into fights, both of which are not good for you in the long run. I ran through a fairly used trail here in town that is right around 3.25 to 3.5 miles. I by no means set a land speed record or even did a PR. If anything it was pitiful and poor performance for a marine.  However, I have ambition to continue running as it does seem to provide the only means to calm and clear my head so that I may focus on tasks at hand, like school work. The hardest part will be getting out of bed to accomplish this desire. I do think it will get easier later down the road after I have worked up my energy level again. I have dreams of snatching the dog this morning and dashing around the block, just so we both get some exercise. I guess if I'm going to do this I better go to sleep though since it is 1:16 in the morning for me. BTYL

Just a thought.

Standing in Kmart line (note the singular use) it occurred to me that Kmart might have more business if there were more than one checkout line. Then, as if that isn't enough they have a very strict coupon policy and of course I'm behind the lady that will question every transaction. Umm. Ya ten more minutes of standing in line and one couple dumping their cart to leave they finally call for another cashier (again note the singular use). *sigh* to lazy to go to WalMart...Yup....still going to bitch about the wait....Yup. had the wait been longer than me looking for my items I would have left.
Meds help, my counselor would be pleased with my self control.
Sorry Joe, I was right next door and unwilling to make the drive to your store. Thinking that was a mistake though, just so you know.

The Day After

I have not stopped sneezing or sniffling since I got done running the Rugged Maniac yesterday afternoon. I feeling like a little feather up my right nostril tickling me and making my nose run. Holy crap do I feel like I'm getting old here. My ribs feel like there is a brace around them making it hard to breathe and my ribs hurt. There are a number of other ailments I have but will not bore you with, lets just say. Old and outta shape. I am proud to say I did every obstacle. I saw a number of people go around obstacles and were only slightly dirtier than they started the run. That is something I won't understand, why pay all that money only to go around? I can understand injuries and such but... well. Anyway.

Do you get me now?

"When you are ironic it suggests you are thinking deep thoughts."  - Count Fenring

I never put much thought in what people think of me mostly because of the way I grew up and from my time in the Marine Corps. This is because the way I see it only one persons view of me really counts and that is the Big Guy upstairs. Its not that I don't appreciate what my friends have to say about me its just people will always have their own beliefs and its very hard to change that. Most of my good friends now didn't like me at first because they didn't get my personality and sense of humor. Those that do seem to have built up a level of ...tolerance to me.
All that being said the irony of me explaining all this now is not lost on me and I find it funny that I felt compelled to write this. And as always, either you get it or you don't.
Have a nice day.

Arrrggg!

National talk like a pirate day. Here I sit. I'm in a classroom waiting to get a six hour class on a national computer datbase. Sounds cool to do but not wild about getting up so early after a regular work day. Oh well part of the job I guess.
On another note school is still school and it could be going better but still hard to get into. Glad that things are startingto turn around though. Was getting rough for awhile. Happy to finnally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What is it with cops and donuts? Two big boxes in here. This place is starting to fill up now. Guess I better behave in here now. Damn. Yea starting now. Bye

Happy? ending to the last two weeks

The last two weeks really kinda sucked here. My car and my son's car both broke down and we have had a devil of a time trying to fix them both. I for one am tired of sinking money into my hoopty and am currently in the market for a new(er) one. I am not sure what my son is goin to do about his. We spent 4 1/2 hours trying to get that thing started and finally gave up and towed it to a shop. Ya, its still not working and neither is mine. I have also been busy trying to get my head back into the game at work and at home. Life as a walking zombie has taken its toll on Bri and the family but I think (hope) we are starting to move back in the right direction.
On a lighter note I finally got word on my disability claim from the VA and got what I was praying for (thanks to all for your prays there). It seems to have lifted some weight off my shoulders a little and things are starting to look up there. I no longer have to pay for my meds or dr. visits. Woot Woot!
Now if I could just get off my butt and get the school thing going right I would be set right? These classes I am taking aren't really that hard for me but I have been having a hard time making sure to manage my time with them also. I just hope my teachers are willing to work with me until I can get the ball rolling right.

Weirdest day.

Late night, early morning makes for one weird day. Got home at 1 in the morning as usual from work cept I thought I had training at 6 am. So I woke up at 5:15, which isn't early enough by the way, and finally rolled out of bed at 5:39. After getting the low down on how to start the car, had to use my son's hooptie cause mine is broke too, I stopped to get gas and ... his car decides not to work right then too. Long story short My son worked on it for about four hours trying to get it running and we finally gave up and had it towed to a repair shop. Then I had a real struggle to stay to stay awake. Not to good when you have crap to do. So now here it is 8 pm on the same day that feels like it started two days ago. Need to run. That's it.

Return From The Living Dead?

I have been ever so slowly climbing out of the funk that my wife affectionately calls a "zombie state" back into the man she fell in love with. Without her love and support I know I wouldn't have made it this far, not that I don't have a long way to go still. Thankfully with God's help, some Dr. visits, meds, and a renewed thirst for running I am waking up and taking an interest in my life and the lives of my family again. I feel there is improvement and am getting an idea of other ways I can make improvements as well. My fear is maintaining the progress and not floundering. Guess I have to trust God and lean on the family during those times. And keep moving, I think that is why I have really taken a renewed interest in running. The physical at of keeping moving corresponds with the need to mentally keep moving, which is starting to remind me to emotionally keep moving and talking. Something that my wife and I have not done on a regular basis for sometime. My ultimate goal is for my family history to not repeat itself. I do enjoy going against the grain sometimes.

running on ...and on

Part of the reason I enjoy trail runs over just road running is the opportunity to see wildlife beyond the local chained up or fenced in critters. On a recent run I came across an owl that had decided to lead the way down the trail for a bit. Such a wonderful creature to see in flight and up so close. After the run and as I was leaving I had a red fox go trotting across the road. His pace and demeanor told me he was unconcerned about my being there. Amazing to think how animals and humans have adapted to living with each other. I remember on a run a while back I came across about 8 or 9 deer. I remember standing there in awe as I watched each one take off one after the other.

It is of course quite different running in the urban jungle. Depending where you run, the time of day, and how you are dressed may depend on the type of interaction you have with others. Around my home I like to run around mid-morning, not to hot (most of the time), not to early, and little interaction with others. I miss the morning and lunch crowds leaving me in my solitude. Which is fine, most of the time I have no real plan on time, distance, or destination just go and enter my own little world.
Its day 2 of the new school year and kinda lost about what to do with no children at home. Guess its time for coffee and a run.

Aidan, my son just ran his first 5k last night. It was great to see him so into it that he pushed himself and ran the whole way. We came in at 32:05 (his time) and 30:06 (my time) he was so proud and wanted every one to know that he beat his dad ;-).

 Along for the run was Joseph, a friend of the family, he was trucking the whole way too. The best part about this particular run for me was not so much the race, though Aidan came in 4th in his age group and I was getting caught up in the event, but that fact that the boys didn't give up or give in. They had a goal to run the whole thing and accomplished it despite any fatigue or aches they might have had.
The SMRs were present as well with a number of the runners taking home medals. Way to represent. O.K. so maybe I still have a bit o the race bug in me. I was happy to hear them being called up, but I was kinda down knowing I wouldn't be called too (that bad?). At any rate we had a great time and it was all for a good cause. Hats off to Grace Evangelical for putting on a good race.

My Running Outlook

I used to run in the Marine Corps to stay in shape. When I got out I stopped running for a while because I felt like I was forced to do it for so long. Recently I started running again but for a different reason. It is my stress relief. Since then I have run a number of races and it was fun trying to get in the top three times, but mostly when running now it has been more about the feeling afterwards. The feeling of accomplishment. Most of my runs are not really planed, in fact the ones that are never really seem to work out as well as the ones with no particular distance or time frame in mind, just run. The idea of being able to decide how long or how fast I move along is all mine. The feeling of being in control of this one little thing brings such a sense of power (?) no, relief to me in a world where many things in my life feel like they are out of my control. When I am unable to run, mostly do to my schedule, I get upset and the frustration builds until I am able to release it by once again hitting the trails or the roads or both. As the scenery changes and the miles go by thoughts and worries wash away. It is quite a different feeling from my marine days. I had tried martial arts and hitting punching bags and working out in gyms but they always just left me tired and did little to erase any stress I had. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that during those time I would still be focusing on my problems during the workouts. Leaving me just as upset as when I had started. I guess you could say I run away from my problems but I look at it as taking a break and clearing the mind. This for me is the best part because I feel like it is helping me in my relationship with my wife and family. It's my chance to calm down and regain my focus on life, as best as a scatter brain like me can. When I'm done, facing whatever problem I have doesn't seem so tough anymore.
I enjoy running with a group called the Saturday Morning Runners here in St Joe because of the people. Nobody cares how fast you are, what distance you can run, only the fact that you are getting out and doing just what they enjoy doing too. The SMR group is quite a diverse group of people from all walks of life. The most enjoyable thing about them is they motivate each other and build each other up, with some playing around just like siblings, but in the end we all have a good time sharing the same common bond between us. Running makes us feel good.

Home again, home again...

Another nice family vacation in the books. We did a tour with the idea of following the Lewis and Clark trail up into MT. It was fun, stopped off in Roosevelt National Park, South in North Dakota. WOW.  First let me say that it was really cool to be so close to the wildlife that they would just walk through the

camp sites if they pleased.

  

Yup, those are wild horses strolling through the camp.

Never thought there were still wild horses in America. Anyway is was a good time the kids learned to appreciate a sunset. 

They fell in love with prairie dogs and were excited to see them every time we past a town. We hiked out to see the petrified forest in the area. Let me tell ya...hiking all that way to see some stumps was not what I was expecting. Not that it wasn't interesting, I thought the trees would be all rock but I found a piece that was part wood and part rock. But well... just look...

The petrified stumps of ND.

Another view of the forest.

 I got into a stand off with a young bison on a trail in the park, he won. Had to turn around and hope he wouldn't follow me (booger was blocking the trail, and suddenly was more interested in me than eating). Still it was a nice run and logged some time in ND. One night I was woken up by Bri because she swore somebody was going through or camp and looking in our coolers. Nope, just a big male bison grazing through, one of those moments were you want to take a picture but aren't sure how he'll take the flash. Alas, I was chicken with only a thin layer of nylon between us I decided not to risk it. Medora was nice but it is a typical tourist town complete with a show every night. We did some geocaching but a few of the ones there  were so ...annoying that we just stopped. I enjoyed my time there and would recommend it but don't see myself rushing back anytime soon. However, right as we were leaving we noticed a herd moving through the other end of the campground and had to go take some pics.

We headed into MT stopping along the way to tour some old forts, the kids once again enjoyed themselves even after crossing into MT and ND about 4 times each or so.  Really proud because you would think they would just complain the whole way and during the tours but they really got into it. We crossed into MT going through a couple of reservations and made a stop at Auntie's house for a few days and some more geocaching then it was off to central MT. Made some new friends and saw some family and had a generally good time. Headed home we stopped at Jewel cave National Monument (I recommend) and Wind cave (not so much) then headed south to tour through Oglala reservation and Pine Ridge and look at Wounded Knee. Talk about depressing. I have seen poor in three different countries other than here and I am really sad to see it like that here in America too. I feel fortunate to have not come from a reservation. Wounded Knee was ....I dunno not what I expected. 

After all that and hunting down our stamp from the Badlands, SD for our National Park Passport we turned southeast and headed home. We were going to stop in a National Forest in NE, but everyone thought it was creepy, no cell service, nobody knew we were there, and we were the only people in the park. It was straight outta a "B" horror movie. So we started driving again and finally decided to pull another all nighter home. We arrived at 6 something in the morning and we all hit the rack for some catch up sleep. Speaking of... night all. TTYL

The Family 2012 National Park Tour

Well we are about a week into the Family National Park Tour. The first week was at Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota. Pretty cool park (though no showers) and you can really get up close with the herds of Buffalo. 

As you can see from the picture the herds will go where they want, to include your camp ground. In fact I was woken up one night to a male grazing through our camp ground. Needless to say we (Bri and I) were hoping that the bison was more interested in food than us. We also hiked into a (let down) petrified forest ( couple of stumps here and there) which was a nice hike but hot even early in the day. 

Today we have finished up our second day in Wolf Point, MT with a tour of the area and closer towns with points of interest. Bri asked me if I thought anybody here would be trying to speak to me in Spanish. I was able to laugh and say thankfully no. Chippewa and Crow country here. We tried to cache in Ft Peck but it sucked and ended fast. We swam in a lake, first time for the kids I think. They loved it. Then off to another town before home (Auntie's). As for the future....who knows what is in store for us.

Thinking Out Loud

I am really excited to go on a vacation with my family soon. We are heading camping up north and I hope to do some trail running while we are up there. The family wants to geocache and there is suppose to be a lot around in the area we are going. I don't really have much to say right now. School. Work. School. Work. Housework....etc. Trying not break away from a whole blog of negativity and anger here. Guess that's it maybe post some pics of the vacation later. Take Care Ya'll.

Heather's Fight

A friend of mine's wife just found out that she has stage IIIb inflammatory breast cancer. To compound the problem she is several months pregnant and the Infusaport they recently put in seems to have a kink in it. Please pray with me for Heather and Joe Losinski and their family. You can keep up to date on the fight at Joe's blog heatherlosinski.blogspot.com it's title is Heather's fight.

Kids and computers

O.K. for those that are out of town or just don't know. The St Joseph School District has chosen, in a pilot program, to hand out iMacs ( I believe ) and iPads to students. The program involves high school to 4th grade. The high school and middle school students received the iMac and the elementary students received the iPad. These are for the students to take home so they can use them for school work. I think this is a pretty good idea and support it to a point. I am not in favor of an elementary student being able to take his/her iPad home. I think those should be left in the school for safety and accountability purposes. There are a few other parents in and around the district that have the same reservations for their elementary kids to have iPads. I know my children very well and am concerned for the safety of the iPad. Besides for our school not all the kids have internet and it would be nothing more than a gaming system while at home. Another flaw I see with this is in our district there are a lot of rental houses and the rotation of children in and out of the elementary school alone is pretty high. Since not all of the schools are participating at this point in time, keeping tabs on all the hardware is going to be a nightmare for somebody. I am also a little concerned about the funds, the SJSD has a  policy to feed all the children a lunch regardless if the lunch money account is paid up to date. This is a nice policy too, but because parents are not paying the lunch bill the SJSD is in the hole quite a bit of money on the lunch program. Now if they can't get parents to pay the lunch bill how are they going to get them to pay for a busted iPad or iMac or worse a lost one? Really, these are just some things to think about before this program is set in stone.